Since 2014, I've been struggling as a competitive swimmer in U.S.M.S. I suffer from pretty bad back pain and arthritis which kills my drive to push hard. A close friendship was lost. Job instability led to having to put my head down to keep my career going. All these things cut into training and also effects having your head in the game. I missed top 10 in 2018 and I'm not sure if I'll make it for 2019. I'm 40 lbs overweight. The scales of balance are off yet again.
From 2004-2014 I spent so much time in the pool. I was obsessed with breaking my sprint time every year and making top ten. Eventually pushing intensely all the time wears one out. The breaks from the pool become longer and longer. I lost my steam and have spent a lot of time soul searching since 2014 to give time back to myself for my art and my career. I was truly dedicated to the pool. It was my escape from other areas of my life. I made top ten numerous times.... but where was the balance? Where was my social life? Also, I had started practicing Tibetan Buddhism and where does my spiritually fit into all of this? Swimming at that intensity was wearing me out. I slept so much during the weekends. It explains why my house was never cleaned and is still a disaster today.
Yesterday, I was driving back from the pool and so proud of myself because I actually swam 3x in one week. I haven't done this in a very, very, long time. While talking to my cousin on the phone, he told me, "A wise woman once told me that the key to life is balance". I asked him who said that? He said, "You. You wrote it on the back of a picture in 1992 with a ying yang symbol." I said, "Boy not much changes does it". He said, "No people really don't change that much". I laughed.
Balance, I've been chasing it for years. It's such a hard thing for me to find in my life. From 2014 - 2019, I've been struggling to find that perfect balance in my life. I'm hoping this year I can find it. It's a new age for me. Not sure if I can reach my old speeds. I'm coaching now too. I'm trying to find time to train and help guide others in this journey.
What really surprised me was how much strength I had lost. I was under the delusion this summer that I could come up to speed with a top 10 time in 2 weeks. I swam the 200 fly long course in August but the time was bad. I need a year to get back what I had. Swimming is a cruel sport that takes so much time and dedication. If you are not in the water, don't expect it to happen.
My friend Eliot called me yesterday and invited me to see Diana Nyad at the the Audible Theater in NYC. It was a really good show. There is a lot of controversy around her swim but she does tell a great story. One thing you have to admire about her is that she never gives up. I got to shake Bill Clinton's hand last night as he attended the performance. He enjoyed the show as well. He was there with Hillary.
Honestly it's a little scary to start competing again. Especially when you don't know if you can reach your peak again. I've set wide goals. I'm not expecting miracles, going to put my head down, get myself up to training on an interval and keep my focus.
Where are we swimming from? Cuuuuuuba. Where are we swimming to? FLoooorida! Where are we swimming from? Cuuuuuuuba. Where are we swimming to? Floooooorida! It's catchy and the words create a rhythm in Diana Nyad's head as she rallies her team and starts out her swim journey.
I've started on my new journey. Let's see if we can get into shape and go to Nationals 2020.
