Yesterday, November 27th, I learned that Gay Silverman had passed away the previous day.

I just want you to know........You are never really ready to lose a coach. I ran out of time with Gay. 

Gay Silverman was the coach of the Silver Streaks which was the age group team that I joined back in the 80's for only 9 months. Our time was short in the 80's but I learned more than I knew at the time in those 9 months. Later in life, around 2004 all the learnings from Allen and Gay Silverman began to become unlocked as I slowly got back into swimming through a masters swim program in Yonkers. 

After getting a taste of what I knew might be possible as I was still in my early 30's I reached out to Gay in 2005 and wrote her the following email:

Friday, December 23, 2005 10:31 AM

Subject: Silver Streaks Alumni

Dear Gay,

I don't know if you remember me but I swam for your team probably back in 1986-ish. I was watching the meet that was at Apex last weekend. I saw the Streaks and stopped by to say "Hello" but you weren't there.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm currently a masters swimmer and placed 8th in the Short Course Yard Nationals last year with a time of 27.41. I missed competition swimming so much and I'm really enjoying it right now. Thank you so much for giving me the foundation that enables me to compete today. The streaks really taught me to have drive and be competitive. I'll also never forgot when you worked with me to correct my "scissor" kick in breaststroke.

I'm going out on a limb here but do you have any of my old times....I'm just curious to see what I was hitting back then.....Do you remember what events you and Alan thought I would excel at?

Do you ever allow "drop-ins" at your team practices?.....I'm not getting the coaching I need. I want to do better at the Nationals this year and I think I'm going to the World's in August.

Ironically, Heather swam for Yonkers Masters for about a year in  2003-2004 and doesn't want to swim currently. I keep on "haunting" her though....maybe some day she'll cave.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Kyff

And this is the response I received:

Re: Silver Streaks Alumni

Dear Jennifer,

Of course I remember you.  I'm sorry that I missed you at the Badger Meet.  I took 10 of our fastest swimmers to Rutgers for a very fast meet and so I was not at Lehman. 

I'm so glad that you started swimming again.  I remember that you had to stop because your mom had a spot on her lung and the family's energy was directed in helping her to get better.  I was sorry to see you leave.  But things have a way of working out.  Mom recovered and you started swimming in a master's program.  I think that the 27.41 is much better than you ever hit.

After the holidays I will try to look up your times.  The problem is that you did not finish the season and also you were on the team before we used the computer to record everything.  There is a chance that I have all of your times and I will look for it.

Yes, come and join us at practice.  Next week we swim on Tues. 7-9 and Wed. 8-9:45 ( I am not at this practice.

Then after that we swim on tues, fri 7-9 at greenburgh cc wed. from 8-9:45 at greenburgh, mon. 7-9 at Hackley, sat 8-10AM at greenburgh.  I'd love to see you.  Come with or without suit.  You are welcome.

Fondly,

Gay Silverman

And that's how it all started. These two emails kicked off being coached by Gay for seven years in my 30's to reclaim what we were never able to accomplish when I was a teen. Gay was a fan of the underdog and she would most assuredly make sure you were as successful as you could be. 

Unfortunately, because of my recent move and job change all the notes for this story are buried and Gay will never get to read what I'll write about this experience. My last nationals with some oversight from Gay was in 2014 and I medaled in all 6 events. As a masters swimmer I've earned 21 Top Ten wins and honestly it would have not been possible without Gay. 

This experience became the foundation for this blog. It's the story of how a late to the game competitive age group swimmer missed a chance to reach full potential and 13 years later reembarked on a competitive swimming odyssey. This story and Gay are so deeply intertwined. One day I'll finish writing it. Today I'm still coming to grips with the fact that my coach is no longer here.

Yesterday I started reading others tributes and experiences about Gay. It's really incredible to see all the people she's helped. I tried to form my mind about how I would start to write a piece that could pay tribute and I started by looking up the synonyms of what a coach is, one of which is  "teacher".

Gay's actual profession started in teaching and when I joined the team she was a technique coach and assisting Allen her husband. Through all the kids she coached, her legacy will surely live on, as we all learned something very special and different from her and I'm sure we will all pass it on in some unique way. In this way Gay Silverman's legacy will live on forever.

Any one that knew Gay knows how incredibly giving she was. The Silver Streaks was a team that was diverse and inclusive and enabled those to participate in a sport when it wasn't always accessible to them. There is no way I could write a proper tribute to Gay today. I'm still trying to process the loss and why this happened this way. I've been looking up the meaning of "Acceptance" because this was something I certainly wasn't doing regarding Gay's condition in the last 6 months.

"Acceptance is like sitting in a field, looking up at the sky and watching the clouds go by. There is no resistance to the moment to moment experience, there is only observation and acceptance. It would be silly to watch the clouds and be upset that they are not forming into the specific shapes we want. And yet, that’s exactly what we do in life."

I kept going back in my mind that she would somehow be o.k. I'm looking back on these thoughts today and seeing how crazy this was because she was in hospice. There was so much more I wanted to say and do but time ran out. For months I kept asking God why her because there are so many rotten people in the world. It's horrible to say but true. There is a Hungarian saying, " They are so evil not even the devil wants them". I'm so frustrated when we loose such incredibly good people.

Did I mention that Gay was Hungarian? I think that was part of the reason I had a special connection with her since I was a kid. There was a certain familiarity when you see your heritage in someone else. Or was it because she stood behind me as a kid and worked my legs over and over in the proper breaststroke kick pattern so my kick would be legal? She took this time on a 13 year old. Not many coaches would bother at this point but there was such care and pride that went into everything she did. Did I mention that she made bathing suits? Wonderful cuts, so comfortable to race in. Gay was truly a renaissance woman. 

Aside from the swimming world, I'll miss our conversations most. The visits sitting on her couch with Suzie the yorkie running around and flipping on her back to have her belly rubbed. Gay was incredibly intelligent and it was so much fun talking to her. We would have the deepest discussions from swimming, politics, fashion, science, religion.... you name it. Or when I went through troubling times she was always there to listen. She was there for so many people.

Around March 2020 I had convinced Gay to take a stab at coaching Masters. Nothing was set in stone but we were hoping to start a branch of Westchester Masters with her coaching. It's a shame that we lost her so soon. She was a brilliant coach and I think it would have been a interesting new challenge for her to work with the adult set.

Life is so unpredictable and we never truly know how much time we have. I'm so incredibly grateful for the time I did have with her and for all that she taught me. 

I love you Gay.