I started weight watchers weeks ago expecting this journey to be easy. Well it's not. On April 28th of this year, I was back in the water swimming with Yonkers Masters. I had the fantasy that all the weight would magically peel off without having to do weight watchers, that didn't happen. Then after going on weight watchers the magic didn't start at that point either. Actually there is no "magic" with any plan you join. You need the right mindset and the self-discipline to see it through.
COVID was not kind to my body. Actually that's false. I was not kind to my body. I let everything go, food became my comfort, then alarm bells went off and I got back to swimming in June 2020 to begin to lose the weight. Then I got kicked out of my apartment, which was great for my weight problem. I had so much anxiety I couldn't eat. I started losing. On November 1st of that year I moved into my parents house and I put everything I had lost right back on.
I can't blame everything on COVID. This started really in 2014. I stopped swimming with the Silver Streaks. I was starting to feel my age and pushing to keep up with teenagers was really tough. I lost a friend that I was really close with. It started me on a journey of needing space and purposely slowing myself so I could be in slower lanes. I stopped swimming with the team regularly. I started a job that had so much stress, eating and drinking at night became my salvation. In 20l7, I was not happy with the weight I had put on and when I came back from Hungary joined Weight Watchers. Amazingly I lost it all. Then our leader started to disappear and with no explanation why. I started to eat again, because I was really pissed that she was gone and put all the weight back on again. Later, I found out she was battling cancer and unfortunately had lost. I didn't handle this well and lost my desire to count and track.
Giving up competing was the worse thing I could have done. I'm extremely goal driven. Without a goal of competing I have allowed myself to fall totally out of shape. COVID hit and there were no pools, no competitions and it spiraled me further down this avenue to poor health. Apparently, I've been talking about it a lot. When I announce to people I've gained forty pounds I get responses like, "You have to get over that" or "I heard about it on Facebook". It kind of shocked me. I thought to myself am I complaining a lot? Well, TOO BAD.
When someone starts harping on something it's obviously something that they are struggling with. I say, "I'm forty pounds over weight", because I'm trying to face the reality of it and shock myself into motivation. I'm not into appearances. I keep it real with everyone in my life. If you are on my facebook page you will know there are good times and bad times. If you are looking for a "perfect, happy, timeline" then I suggest hiding my feed. Seriously, everyone is suffering. Let's be real, nothing is perfect all the time.
2 weeks ago was rock bottom for me. I had gained weight again and I was struggling with the compulsive eating train ride that happens after work. When I was a kid I was thin but healthy. My pediatrician in front of my mother said, "let her eat whatever she wants. Let her eat a whole cake if she wants to". That was all I needed to hear. Sheet cakes would disappear in our home. I would eat several sweets at a time. I loved binge eating. The high you get from the sugar. I don't know what got into this doctor. That is the worst thing anyone could every say to anyone. I was basically given permission to abuse myself and develop an addiction.
As an adult, swimming the way I have, you burn a lot of calories. This naturally gives you the luxury of eating more. When all exercise stops, weight just packs on. This can happen to any athlete so easily because you have the luxury of eating mass quantities of food. Stop exercising, and it catches up with you so fast.
So after a few more nights of going off the rails, I struggled to stay within my point range. I started tracking these nights of indulgence only to find that the points for the whole week were disappearing.
So I decided that I need to go on a cleanse and then a meal plan just to take the pressure off of trying to manage this and focus on just eating what was delivered. I LOVE Urban remedy. I'm reading the book now. I had the book for awhile but never had the time to read it fully. When you focus on eating for health I think it becomes easier to eat right. Finding the root cause of why you are eating the way you currently are is key. Neka Pasquale practices traditional Chinese medicine and brings all this knowledge into her juices and foods. They are gluten free and vegan. Her blog has a lot of great information.
A lot of people view a cleanse as a punishment but it can be something so much different. It can be a sacred space that you carve out for yourself to give back to your body and soul. It's a time to give yourself the care you need. What's key for me is to plan, and stick to the plan. Also, to replace the bad habits with good habits.
Another tool I'm using are hypnosis tracks. Unfortunately Dick Sutphen is no longer with us but many of his tracks are still available for purchase. I have many of them. The Zen CD was so helpful to me. Currently I'm listing to the weight loss zapper.
However I needed a little punishment to get started. I wanted someone to yell in my ear stop doing this to yourself. You need to get with the program and start that diet! That's actually what I don't like about weight watchers. It's a "lifestyle" it's not a diet. WRONG. When your eating has become that out of control. It's a diet. Lifestyle is what we have to work into and eventually embrace to get the out come we want. It doesn't make the hard work any easier of sticking to a limit everyday. There is simply no other way to do it. There is a limit and you can't eat whatever you want when you want.
The struggle is real.
