It's amazing how crappy you can feel when you get little to no form of exercise. I have no muscle tone left in my arms. Completing 2000 yards with a cool down is pushing it. But I'm so thankful. This Thursday I prayed to God in the pool. They were deep prayers of "Thank you and I'm so Grateful to be here". It almost feels like there is a small amount of normalcy back to my life now. I'm so happy to be swimming and it's proof positive that I belong no where else but in the water.

Currently I'm in box land. I moved into my new place January 25th and I've been slowly taking boxes out of my second storage unit. This month is the last month it will be paid for, so everything must come out. Thankfully I had my father help me with his Volvo wagon, as a executive sedan doesn't really hold that much. I so desperately want to write my swim story in this blog but I have to now prepare for a new window install that is happening across my co-op. So, life coupled with a demanding job, has been very busy.

But we can still dream. That's what gives us goals right? I have dreams of possibly attending LCN in October. In 2022 Fina Masters is going to Japan! It helps me keep going through all the sloppy flip turns right now, the muscle aches and days where I feel like I would possibly like to just stay home in bed. The weight gain is horrible. I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I can say that being in the pool water now feels like the ocean because it's so easy to float but the weight has to go. It's just not healthy to be this much over my BMI.

Poco a Poco.

I wanted to write this re-cap post before the New Year came to pass but I was totally exhausted. I needed a break. 2020 was "A YEAR". It was a tornado year fraught with huge changes. I was lucky enough to have neither my family or myself  directly impacted by COVID. I was able to retain my job. I thank God for this everyday. However, where I lived, well, after 14 years in the same residence I had to leave by Oct 31.

Having my rent raised during COVID came as a shock to me. For 12 years my rent was stable. I was living in a situation where I had asked for a lease multiple times but could never get one. After time passed, I was told, "You are my friend" and "You are like part of the family". After my rent was raised this year however,  3 months later I was asked to leave by Oct 31. I was able to negotiate my rent back to the old one until my last day but it was certainly strange to receive a certified letter by mail telling you that you had to be out by Oct 31. 

I guess, I was truly never "like part of the family". When my doorbell was removed this year I should have seen that as a strong indicator of what was to come. I never imagined my entire home could be so easily be disposed of.  I was so fortunate to be able to buy a home this year and finally be able to move somewhere where sidewalks would be shoveled, flowers wouldn't be constantly destroyed and I could lead the charge in getting things repaired. It was truly a blessing in disguise but the situation was highly stressful and I was plagued with anxiety the entire time. 

Moving is not "my thing". I love to travel all over the country BUT I do not like to move. I have lived in the same zip code for my entire life. Having to clean out 14 years of possessions in 4 months almost broke me. If it wasn't for my mother coming down and helping get rid of most of it I don't know what would have happened. Mentally I truly couldn't do it on my own. It was just to difficult. 

Though out my life I've used art as a tool for therapy. When I started working professionally because I was doing it day in and day out, swimming eventually became my salvation to managing stress. During this COVID time, from June - Sept, I swam at Sprain Ridge and Rye Ocean Park.  Thank God for these bodies of water. They helped me so much. I had a friend reach out to me and tell me about Rye. I'll be forever grateful to them as it helped me find mental relief during this period. When I was told I had to leave my home I decided within one week, I was never renting again. I never, ever wanted to experience what I had gone through during the 12 years I lived in my old apartment. I wanted to know where ever I went I would be deciding when I would be leaving. I also wanted a parking space, a doorbell, things fixed on time and if I planted something I didn't want it rearranged and/ or destroyed.  I wanted respect and hopefully owning my own home will bring that along with the pride of knowing that I am a homeowner in the community.

Between my career, trying to clear out 14 years of accumulations, and buying a new place, at times I thought I would break. The kicker was that my surroundings were effected by COVID which in turn effected me but due to the language of all the COVID relief I was eligible for none. That's right, if you have a job, you CAN get kicked out of your place during these COVID times. Your rent can be raised.  

And rents, oh they were raised. In Westchester if you want to rent a 1 bedroom now they are 1500-1800.00 a month. Everyone fled NYC. This angered me so much. I don't know how many times over the years when I would be in NYC, transplant snots would mutter "oh you're from upstate". Really? But during COVID "upstate, Yonkers" became a haven for all those that didn't want to be in Manhattan anymore. For all those that stayed  (not including those that lost their homes), I applaud you. There is something to be said about staying strong during times of adversity and backing your existing community.

So, when things are stressful, we can fall into bad habits.  When COVID first hit and we were sent home from work, and I knew it was bad. I just didn't know how bad it was. I was currently struggling with a depression. The previous year had been exhausting and I was suffering from burnout. December 2019, a depression hit me and it lasted though to September 2020. COVID, when there was little known about it, was a scary thing. We didn't know how it was transmitted and there was tons of mis-information. Trust was destroyed in this country and people took it upon themselves to determine what was fact or fiction. Tuning into Gov. Cuomo during this time helped keep me sane. I'll never forget his daily briefings. They helped get information out and helped you keep faith during this harrowing time. 

I had also I decided to live on a lot of takeout. In a total funk, cooking seems like a gargantuan effort. Margarita Mondays and Wine Wednesdays became my go-to a Popojito. I was doing a good thing right? Supporting our local businesses? I was also supporting a weight gain so tremendous, that even when I started to swim in June all the weight did not come off. 

I was able to close on a new place in November and was fortunate to be able to live with my parents from Oct 31 until the current time. However at my age living with your parents comes with challenges. At their age they are set in their ways. It is their home. So I do my best to work around things. However, when I first moved in, the stress of it all, led too, to a lot of eating. 

My dad has cancer. He has had stage 4 prostate cancer for 4 years. Because I'm living in the parental bubble I've decided to lean towards the side of extreme caution and decided not swim while I live in their home because all swimming has gone indoors for the winter. Being inside, can be safe, but it's not truly safe. I can't risk putting their health in jeopardy. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, if I was the cause of bringing COVID into this house. 

When I first moved in I was severely injured because I stupidly decided to carry the majority of my book boxes down the stairs. I tried to help with yard work but had to bow out. Without swimming, I'm in extreme pain. My spine needs core strengthening to stay stable. Everything fell apart. I consulted my doctor during a tell-a-health call. With so many things going on in my life: work, the closing, the renovations etc. my health took a back seat and I was only able to get the inflammation down. 

I've worked at the same company for 4 years now and over the years I've been saving my points. I qualified for an apple watch this year. Initially I had planned on having this watch on my wrist for open water swims only. I initially saw the apple watch as a type of cult. I had heard people talking about "closing the rings" and I wanted no part of it. I thought it was insane to have something on your wrist that is constantly reminding you of what you need to do. I determined it wasn't for me and I would just use it to track my swimming. 

When I hooked up my apple watch... it's like it melded to my wrist and I never want to take it off. I had a totally different reaction then expected and it has been my salvation. I immediately saw that I had lost all fitness levels, I never physically stand and in all actuality I was laying around like a blob.

Since I have gotten the watch I started to get motivated to "close the rings" which involves standing during the day, moving and exercising. The watch also reminds you to breathe and counts the seconds every-time you wash your hands. it's that silent companion that jumps in when you need it most, guiding you in the most helpful ways. I started going on walks, standing more, and getting my movement in. 

I reached out to my friends on Facebook and found someone else that has one. Now we challenge each other every day. The apple watch became my new pool and is the lifeline I needed. Not having a pool is horrible. Being in the pool, swimming actually forms part of my identity. It helps form your social life, keeps you fit and relaxes you all at the same time. Losing this resource has been horrible during this incredibly stressful time of COVID. If you are in need of some virtual coaching check out apple's page on "close your rings" I think the investment in the watch is well worth it and probably will guide the safest exercise you can do during this time.

 I don't need a pool to survive. I've been out of the pool for long stretches of time before. During times of adversity we need to embrace change. I now have taken up walking until I can get back into a pool. 

Please continue to stay strong during this COVID time. It's important that we don't lose hope. I like to frame this time as a unique opportunity to stay focused and plan for when our freedom from this plague is truly gone.

 I'm so sorry the blog posts have not been frequent. All the materials I needed to help remember and continue my "swim story" were packed away after the move and hopefully this is something that I can continue writing later in this new year. Currently I've written 5 chapters. So for those of you that haven't read it yet, here is the start of my story:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

I wish you all good health, peace and prosperity for the new year 2021! It's year of the metal OX. I believe it will be a hard working year but if we put the planning and effort in we will have something truly special to benefit from for 2022.

And for those of you that are part of Westchester Masters or even "friends of" please join us for the first Friday of every month for our happy hour virtual swim pod Zoom call. We are a supportive bunch and are there for you if you are not currently able to be in a swim pod.

 O.K. yes, I know that title might be a little dramatic. But I'm sorry, currently the swimming world has been impacted in a very big way depending where you are in the world right now. For some, this can be down right depressing. So I'm telling it how it is. We don't have competitions going off around the country. We are lucky if we can get any pool time, as many pools are shut down. We miss our workout groups. Many teams have disbanded and we are not able to swim together as we once did.

I've taken breaks before in my life. At one time I went over 10 years without competing. I forgot what I was missing, the break was so damn long. NEVER AGAIN.

This year was suppose to be my come back year. Get all the weight off Jen, get back in the pool, show them that you still have it and rack up some top 10's if you can. Maybe we can make Nationals in Virginia.

Thank GOD for outdoor public pools. As soon as they opened in June, I was there. Then, I found out about Rye Town Park from a friend on my team. I have the scars to prove I swam there this summer and they will probably be with me until next year.

This year was a crazy one for not just the swimming aspect of my life. As COVID hit hard in March, I hunkered down. It was a difficult time with so much uncertainty in the world.  No swimming from March - June and tons of eating instead. I laid like an unhealthy hibernating blob in my apartment just working and eating and I couldn't bring myself to exercise at all. Then, after I felt like I had some reprieve with swimming outdoors on a more regular basis, July 1st I was told that I had 4 months left in my apt. After 14 years I had to be out by Oct. 31st which I learned later ironically was also timed with a rare blue moon.

This Summer was not one of relaxation. It was filled with tons of hard work to find a place and move 14 years of accumulations out of my 1 bedroom that was packed to the gills. Family members are immune compromised so I limited social contact as I needed help to get rid of so many things that I simply had so much trouble parting with.

During this time, Rye Park saved me because I felt so free swimming open water. I didn't care how much it hurt to get stung with sea lice or how they have scarred me. It was a relief to be able to swim open and free once a week from July - Sept. Also, on occasion I would run into a team mate at a public pool which was so nice. You almost felt like you had a team again.

Mid Sept was my last swim. I miss it so much but I'm in my family's home now with all my possessions in storage waiting for my next opportunity to move. I can't risk exposing them with the rise starting to happen. Looks like walking and yoga on zoom will be my new outlet for now. Come on Jen get moving! I need an exercise routine so BAD.

Watching swimmers swim around Manhattan this year was amazing! I couldn't believe this happened during the pandemic. Where did they find water and how did they get the time? There were so many long swims that took place. I was really impressed. It was certainly inspirational. And definitely a model for coping with COVID. Someone in the swimming community equated dealing with COVID like viewing it as a marathon swim race. Step by step, and be in it for the long haul... eventually it will be over, as grueling as it can be at times. All races do come to an end.

REMEMBER:: NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE IN!

and NOTHING LASTS FOREVER!

BE SAFE and HOPEFULLY WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER IN A POOL AGAIN!

I hate new years resolutions. They can come as tall orders. Most of them fail. I'm already starting to feel the pressure because there is so much to do. Breathe.... Baby Steps.


A lot of what holds us back I think... the root cause, is fear of failure. If we don't try, well, we can't fail right? It's a win, win. Unfortunately, if you can't fail, you also reduce your chances of success. So, to succeed we need to learn to fail, to fail often and fail well.

To fail well to me means failing with grace. Brushing yourself off and saying o.k. It's time to try again no matter how tough it is to start all over. If we don't keep trying, how can we succeed?

It's been so long since I've been in shape, I'm beginning to doubt if it is possible. Can I stick with it? Will I get into shape again? Can I make another nationals? Do I want to go to nationals? Will I ever be fast again? Will the weight come off? Can I get addicted to exercise again as my doctor recommends me to? Will the pool I'm swimming at become less chaotic?

I DON'T KNOW.

That's the truth. So Breathe.... Baby Steps.... in the water 3x a week. We start with that. We don't time ourselves. We try to get back into interval sets. When the arm goes numb we ease off. We take it slow, don't want tendinitis. We are not young anymore. Sciatica pain runs down my legs. My toes are numb in my right foot. The knee has pain. I push through gently building strength. It takes time. But I stay at it. Breathe..... you can do it. Just 2500 this week, don't go up to 3,000 yet. Slowly inch your way up. You'll get there again. Don't worry.